wrigley field is MILF paradise
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My Sexting was not on an AP level
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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