I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
