i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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