I've blown a few things in my day
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
