from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
