We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
