a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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