One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
