the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
