corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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