mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
