I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
