So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
