I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
