I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize