Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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