he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
