hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
