How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
