how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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