yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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