There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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