Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize