both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
