Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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