I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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