dude i'm inner monologue high
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
