i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize