just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I will pee on everything he values.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
