apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
