This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
