I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
