Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
