Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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