I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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