i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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