I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
