doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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