I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
