I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
