i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
