I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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