Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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