ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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