that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
