I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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