There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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