I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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