Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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