My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
