YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
