i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize