I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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