im having a threesome with these popsicles
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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