i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
