Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just forgot I was standing up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
