I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
