Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Jerry, you need to find god
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
