Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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