Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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