I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize