i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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