I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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