Pass out mid-funnel last night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
