they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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