I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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