shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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